im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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