During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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