1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
