What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
