If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
