He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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