so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
