Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
