i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
