I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize