you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
