All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
