You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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