My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
