hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
