i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize