In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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