I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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