'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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