I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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