it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
