I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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