where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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