why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
