im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
