Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
