she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
