Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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