if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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