I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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