i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
