I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
