I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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