I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
