i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
