I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
