how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
