Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
