I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We left the knife in your bed.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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