i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
