bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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