As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
