Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
