I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
