So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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