did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
