Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
