rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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