Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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