He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
