she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
