she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
