If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize