The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
