if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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