The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
