New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
