Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
