Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
