the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
