I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
