I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My day in three words: secret purse cake
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
