she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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