He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
