He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
