dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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