I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
