If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
