Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
