Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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