I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
