Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
