first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
