oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
